


Birthday Party Virginity

by melancholy_and_chocolate



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Birthday Party, Birthday Presents, Cowboys, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Laser Tag, M/M, Strippers, honestly a whole mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-05 20:10:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15178409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholy_and_chocolate/pseuds/melancholy_and_chocolate
Summary: Theo's never had a birthday party before, but that's about to change.Laser tag, dinner at a fancy restaurant and strippers make for a memorable time when losing your birthday party virginity.





	Birthday Party Virginity

**Author's Note:**

> lowkey not totally sure what this is
> 
> someone requested with a similar feel to 'Battle of The Bachelor Party' and I delivered

Theo had never had a birthday party. 

 

His mom and dad always told him that birthdays weren’t special, but Theo read between the lines. _His_ birthdays weren’t special, Tara’s _were_.

 

Tara would get birthday parties. She’d invite tons of friends, mom would bake her a cake and dad would always buy her a really good gift. Theo would even give her a handmade card after the party was over.

 

Then Theo’s birthday would come along, and he’d be lucky if his mom made him breakfast and his dad wished him happy birthday.

 

Tara always made his birthdays special though. She’d buy him a gift, she’d make him brownies because she didn’t know how to make a cake, she’d sing to him and Theo’s favourite thing of all, she’d stay up the entire night with him to watch movies.

 

Theo never got to tell her just how much that meant to him.

 

So no, he’d never had a party, but Tara was enough. More than enough.

 

But things happened, things Tara never deserved, and Theo ended up with the Dread Doctors.

 

There were no parties, but the Dread Doctors would wordlessly leave him a card on his birthday and he was satisfied. It was more than he got from his parents.

 

That went on for years, the same old birthday routine. But Theo didn’t mind, because as he’d been taught since before he could remember, his birthday wasn’t special anyway.

 

That all changed when he spent his birthday in hell. Theo always wanted just one more birthday with Tara, and _boy did he get it_.

 

But then he was rescued by a certain blue eyed beta and he spent his next birthday tracking down a group of wendigos with Liam under Scott's orders.

 

19 birthdays, not a single party.

 

That’s not to say he hadn’t been to birthday parties. He’d been to Tara’s, Stiles’ and Scott’s parties as a kid.

 

Actually, right now he was at Lydia’s birthday bash, sitting on the couch with his arm around his boyfriend, reminiscing about his past.

 

“Best birthday ever” Lydia declared, flopping down on the couch beside Malia.

 

The party was just finishing. The entire pack was at her lake house, having the time of their lives without a care in the world.

 

“Even better than your birthday years ago where I crashed your all-girls sleepover?” Stiles laughed.

 

“Anything would’ve been better than that” she huffed, rolling her eyes with a fond look. The two may not have worked out as a couple, but they did as friends.

 

“Who’s birthday is next?” Mason asked, snuggled up on the floor with Corey.

 

“Uh, we already had a party for Scott, Malia, Stiles, Mason, Corey, Brett, Nolan, Lori, Liam and now me, which means that Der is next” Lydia said.

 

Liam shot up, inadvertently shoving Theo off of him.

 

“ _Oh my god_ ” he whispered in horror.

 

“What's wrong?” Theo asked in concern for his boyfriend.

 

“T, I don’t know when your birthday is” Liam gasped. The room went silent.

 

“Huh, actually me neither” Mason huffed in confusion.

 

“I don’t know either” Derek admitted.

 

Soon everyone in the room was voicing their agreement. _Nobody knew_.

 

“I’m a terrible friend!” Nolan exclaimed. Brett started running his hand through his hair in order to try and calm down his boyfriend.

 

“ _You’re_ a terrible friend? Try being a terrible _boyfriend_!” Liam exclaimed right back.

 

“You’re not a terrible boyfriend Li” Theo sighed.

 

“ _Oh really?_ What kind of person doesn’t know his own boyfriend’s birthday?” Liam narrowed his eyes.

 

“It’s not that big of a deal, how would you have known if I never told you?” Theo grabbed Liam’s hand and pulled him back down to sit.

 

“How come you didn’t tell us?” Stiles asked.

 

“My birthdays never been special” Theo shrugged.

 

“But you haven’t had a party for your birthday with us” Scott said as though he was distressed at the thought.

 

“I’ve never had a birthday party,  _period_ ” 

 

“ _What?!_ ”

 

“Okay that’s it, when’s your birthday?” Lydia took charge.

 

“Uh, it’s actually next Friday”

 

“Theo we’re giving you the best birthday party you’ll ever have, mark my words”

 

*

 

And that they did. Theo was impressed by how quickly Lydia could plan a party.

 

First on her agenda- laser tag.

 

“ _I swear to god,_ Brett if you shoot me one more damn time I’m going to shove this gun so far up your ass that your great-grandchildren will feel it” Liam growled after the tall werewolf had shot him in the back for the umpteenth time.

 

“Kinky” he winked.

 

“Derek, you’re not supposed to shoot your own boyfriend!” Stiles shouted. 

 

“Theo shot Liam” Derek defended himself.

 

“Yeah well I’m not Liam and you’re not Theo, so wipe that smirk off your face and shoot Scott instead”

 

Theo laughed, raising his gun and shooting Stiles in the chest.

 

“Derek and I are on a different team than you and Liam, of course we’re shooting you guys”

 

“Kill or be killed” Brett added, raising his own gun to shoot Liam again.

 

“That’s it, you’re fucking dead Talbot” Liam fumed. He hoisted up his gun, yanked a surprised Theo by his collar in for a kiss, flipped his hair and charged at Brett. Brett’s eyes widened before he took off shouting _“Nolan your friends trying to kill me”_

 

Theo blinked.

 

“I’m kind of turned on right now” he admitted.

 

“Ew, gross. Can you hear my stomach turning in disgust?” Stiles gagged. Derek chuckled.

 

“Enough chit chatting ladies, this is war” Lydia suddenly appeared in their space. She had war paint on her face, leaving the other three to wonder where the hell she got it from.

 

She raised her gun, shot all three of them before they could even blinked disappeared before their eyes, presumably to go demolish the others.

 

“Oh my god, she’s finally gone insane”

 

*

 

“Lyds, I can’t even pronounce half the items on the menu” Stiles said.

 

“I’ll order for you” she waved him off. After laser tag, which she had definitely won, she brought them to a fancy restaurant where she’d already made reservations.

 

“I’m 90% sure that this is actual human flesh” Liam wrinkled his nose, pointing to a menu item.

 

“$10 if you order it” Mason said making Corey roll his eyes fondly.

 

“Deal”

 

“I hope you’re not trying to get lucky tonight” Theo quipped. There was no way he’d even kiss Liam after eating that.

 

“I take that back, no deal” Liam said with wide eyes.

 

“Whipped” Brett grinned.

 

“Remember when I asked for your opinion? Oh yeah, _I didn’t_ ” Liam bit back.

 

“Do they have cheeseburgers here?” Malia asked.

 

“Not likely” Scott replied, much to her dismay.

 

Theo looked around the table and discreetly smiled. This was his pack and there’s no group of people he’d rather spend his birthday with, party or not.

 

*

 

After dinner, Lydia took everyone back to Liam’s house so they could sit back, relax and just enjoy each other’s company.

 

“I had a really good time today” Theo admitted to everyone.

 

“So your first birthday party was a success?” Lydia asked.

 

“Yeah, thank you”

 

She smiled “Time for presents” 

 

“I’ll go first” Stiles exclaimed. Derek tilted his head in curiosity at what his boyfriend had in store.

 

"You've been super stressed lately" Stiles pointed out the obvious before slyly grinning "so for your birthday I thought you could have a little fun"

 

Before anyone can ask him what he's on about he swings open the front door and 5 guys wearing only skintight jeans, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat walk in.

 

Theo blinks.

 

"Gay strippers!" Stiles happily exclaimed. 

 

Derek shook his head, Lydia facepalmed, Scott covered Malia’s eyes, Mason and Corey openly gawked, Lori froze, Brett covered Nolan’s eyes and Liam had to refrain himself from growling because the only naked guy Theo would touch was him.

 

And then they heard the sound of another car pulling into the driveway. That had to Liam’s parents coming home. 

 

"Stiles, my mom and dad just got here to have cake with us" Liam hissed, gesturing to the kitchen where an ice cream cake awaited them in the freezer.

 

"I really didn't think this through" Stiles sheepishly admitted.

 

"Maybe we can-" Derek was cut off by Jenna Geyer opening the front door and stepping in with her husband.

 

"Who're the half naked boys?" was her first question. She didn’t seem as fazed as David was.

 

"T-these are, uh..." Liam trailed off.

 

"Theo’s cousins!" Stiles filled in with his quick thinking.

 

"Yeah, my, uh, cousins! From Texas!" Theo confirmed with a forced grin and wrapping an arm around the stripper closest to him. Thankfully the strippers didn’t say anything.

 

Liam’s dad noticeably relaxes while Liam himself sighs in relief at the coverup. 

 

"Well? Aren't you going to introduce us?” Jenna eagerly asked. Stiles visibly tensed up from beside Derek. The pack held their breath while Theo reluctantly nodded.

 

"Guys, meet my cousins, um, H-Harry, Niall, Louis, Liam and Zayn" Theo mentally face palmed at himself. He also cursed Lori for forcing him to watch One Direction’s documentary last night with her. 

 

"From Texas!" Stiles added.

 

"Nice to meet you boys" Jenna warmly smiled.

 

“Those names sound familiar” David pondered aloud.

 

“Nice to meet you too” one of the strippers replied. The guy who Theo wrapped his arm around earlier leaned in to whisper in the chimeras ear.

 

“You guys owe us extra for going along”

 

“Deal” Theo mumbled back.

 

“Uh, Malia and I are gonna get going now” Scott piped up, shooting Stiles a look.

 

“I’m gonna leave with Mason and Corey” Lydia said, elbowing Mason when he tried to protest.

 

“Brett, Lori and I should probably head out too” Nolan added. Lori vigorously nodded.

 

“Bye Theo, Liam and Theo’s cousins from Texas” Brett winked with a smirk.

 

“Derek and I will-“ Theo yanked Stiles by his collar and growled low enough that the humans in the room couldn’t hear.

 

“Oh no you don’t, you caused this problem, you have to stay”

 

“Derek and I will _not_ be leaving at this time” Stiles amended. Derek shrugged while Liam looked a bit pale. Theo wondered how they were gonna pull this off.

 

The others left immediately, not wanting to have to endure the tension any longer.

 

“Cake time” Jenna clapped her hands and ushered the group into the kitchen.

 

“So what do you guys do for a living?” David tried to make conversation. 

 

“I’m a doctor” ‘Harry’ said, winking at Liam. The beta sighed in relief, the strippers would help them.

 

“I’m a teacher” Other Liam said.

 

“Lawyer”

 

“Full time cowboy”

 

“I’m a stripper” 

 

Everyone froze and looked at ‘Niall’, who didn’t seem to get the memo.

 

“Well, if you’ve got it, flaunt it” Jenna shrugged after a minute of silence.

 

The group all ate ice cream cake around the table and surprisingly, watched not one, not two, but five movies together until midnight which painfully reminded Theo of Tara. He could still vividly remember cuddling on the couch with her.

 

“David and I are gonna head up now, goodnight boys” Jenna kisses Liam and Theo’s forehead before addressing the strippers.

 

“Hopefully you’ll come visit Theo here again sometime, I promise I’ll bake you my apple pie I mentioned earlier” She smiled.

 

“Sounds good Jenna” Harry nodded. Liam’s parents went upstairs to their bedroom and out of sight.

 

The room was silent for a moment until Derek started laughing, which in itself was weird. Derek almost never laughed unless Stiles did something dumb.

 

“What’s so funny?” Stiles asked.

 

“You guys actually convinced Liam’s parents that these strippers were Theo’s Texan cousins” Derek explained before laughing again.

 

“It’s kind of funny” Theo agreed, joining in on the laughter.

 

“I can’t believe we just did that” Liam shook his head in amusement.

 

Stiles and Derek escorted the strippers outside and paid them, making sure to throw in a hefty tip for their cooperation.

 

“Best birthday ever” Theo nodded, pulling Liam in for a kiss. He'd wondered earlier why Lydia said those same three words, since she'd had so many birthdays, what made that one so special, but he got it now.

 

“Good, because you deserve it”

 

Theo grinned. He finally understood why people had birthday parties. It was less materialistic than he thought previously, and more about finding an excuse to have the time of your life with the people you loved.

 

_One birthday down, a lifetime to go._

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> im cackling because this is a hot mess


End file.
